Scariest moments of my life

The chronicles of some of the scariest moments of my life

(1) Q's first seizure. I was home alone, thought he was choking, called 911, and rode in an ambulance for the first time.

(2) T was about 3 years old and we were at a playground. Little Miss Daring decided that the playground equipment, while rather fun, didn't challenge her climbing skills. I was watching from nearby, but apparently not close enough. Before I realized her plan, she had scaled the outer structure and was 8 feet in the air with her belly on a support beam and the rest of her body just dangling. I tried to stay under her and climb up to her at the same time, repeatedly, but it was either-or. Finally I just stood under her, preparing to catch her if she slipped. She looked around for a few forevers, then got bored and climbed back down. "Hiya, Dada!" she said when she was on the ground again. It was years before she was allowed at a playground without a bungee safety cord.

(3) F was about 5 years old at a crowded playground. I was standing under T who was dangling 8 feet in the air from the support structure of some of the playground equipment. When T regained the ground, F was missing. Missing. I stood different edges of the playground, trying to recall what colors he was wearing. I climbed up on some of the equipment, trying to get a different vantage point. I was just starting to ask other adults if they'd seen F when he appeared in the middle of a group of boys. He'd gone on the other side of the bathroom building to see what was there and come back while I was panicking.

(4) I was at a campground playground (what is it with playgrounds?) when I was 11. We were playing tag and a bigger boy was chasing me. I turned to look behind me — he was nearly right behind me — and then I turned forward to run faster. Suddenly "BAM!" He kicked me in the head. Or so I thought. I was definitely on the ground, my baseball cap was gone, and my head hurt a lot. Some adults cooking dinner at a nearby campsite looked up at me. Their eyes grew big and they started running toward me. Do I know these people?!? That's when blood oozed down the entire right side of my head. Woozy, I sat down. It turns out I had come very close to fitting under the big 4x4 plank that was a bridge for the playground equipment. Very close to fitting, but not quite. I'd torn back part of my scalp on that wooden bridge and the emergency room put 9 stitches in my 6 inch long gash. This probably makes my mom's list of scariest moments ever, too.

(5) Around midnight one night, my wife woke me up. "I smell smoke." We have a house built in the late 70s, so it is blessed with aluminum (rather than copper) wiring, which is "safe enough." No smoke detectors were screaming, it was just the smell of smoke. Strongest downstairs. I carried a smoke detector around down there, trying to get it to give me a clue where to look, but it remained quiet. Then I thought of the dog. He's part basset hound, right? He has this great nose, doesn't he? So I carried him around downstairs, but he just looked at me with big "What're ya doin'?" eyes. We gave up on finding the fire ourselves, thinking it could be behind a wall or something. My wife called 911 and, at their advice, woke the kids and took them outside. I ran downstairs and shut off all the power (except for one circuit to light my way back up the stairs), figuring that had to help. Finally a police officer arrived. He and I looked around downstairs and his flashlight touched on a wisp of smoke rising from my big seedling tray, still growing had a few pepper and tomato plants a bit too big to be called seedlings anymore. Suddenly I realize how this looks. I'm not conservative looking at the best of times, but I just got out of bed and I'm wearing cutoff jean shorts. No shirt, no shoes. I've got plants growing in my basement. "Oh, man, my tomato plants!" I say, to reassure him that I've got nothing illegal growing there. I unplug the under-dirt heater (which just happens to be on the only circuit I left powered) and pour water on it. By the time the firemen arrive to axe through our front door, there's nothing for them to do but help air out the house. And we've been under federal surveillance ever since...